NOTE: Wolverine stabs a LOT of people. Just go back and watch X2, or read any number of Wolverine comics. However, as the new film opens, The Wolverine has given up his life of howling and claw-popping. “That’s not who I am anymore,” he insists. Of course, by Act 2 of the new flick he’s sticking adamantium holes in gangsters and ninjas… and he does it everywhere. For some reason I connected this with Dr. Seuss’ poem Green Eggs and Ham, where Sam (I am) goes from not wanting to eat them to eating them everywhere. Thanks to some playful egging on by friend Mikey Fissel over at Reel World Theology, this is now the result. For the REAL Cinemagogue examination of The Wolverine, click here🙂

Spoiler Alert: this rhyme is essentially a playful overview of The Wolverine movie.

SHARP CLAWS & HARM

I do not like sharp claws and harm,

I do not like them in my arm.

I do not like their metal sheen,

Because I used them to kill Jean.

I did not like to stab that bear,

He made me stab and it’s not fair.

I do not like sharp claws and harm,

But there are hicks that I’ll disarm.

I stabbed reluctantly in that bar,

Then got into this girl’s car.

I will not stab them, Yuriko.

I will not stab so you must go.

But then I went to Tokyo…

Now I will stab them in a shrine,

I’ll stab six, seven, eight and nine.

I will stab them on a train,

And in the guts, and in the brain.

And I will stab them in my dream,

And keep on arguing with Jean.

Then almost stab this girl I save

While we’re in bed, but I behave.

Then I will stab them in the thigh

And in the neck so they can’t cry.

I’ll stab them easy, stab them rough

Then stab myself cuz I’m so tough.

I’ll try to stab them in the snow,

Until arrows won’t let me go.

Then I will stab a samurai

Who won’t give up, and just won’t die.

Then I can’t stab, so don’t you know

We’ll leave that up to Mariko.

But once her throwing skills are shown,

I’ll shank that guy with claws of bone.

I did not like sharp claws and harm,

But now I see they have their charm.

And so goodbye to Jean at last,

I’m off to Days of Future Past.