We all know that Avatar got stuffed into The Hurt Lockerat the 2010 Academy Awards, a “David-beats-Goliath” victory, with the added spice of knowing that Avatar director James Cameron divorced Hurt Locker’s Director Kathryn Bigelow about the same time he decided he was the King of the World. She obviously gets custody of this years Oscar…
… but what if Cinemagogue controlled the Academy in some world-bending, LOST kind of reality-reshaping flash-sideways event? What might have happened to 2010’s film awards? There are seven simple changes we would have made to the ceremony itself:
1. Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin would not have co-hosted.
2. It would have been two hours or less.
3. Joel McHale would’ve hosted, with Ryan Seacrest (on a stool)
4. It actually would have been FUNNY.
5. All stiff Oscar presenters would have been replaced by justifiably stiff robots (in other words, ALL presenters would have been robots)
6. Nominees would not have had a bevy of actors gushing about how AWESOME they are.
7. No one would have tried to “explain the editing process”. Ever. Again.
Next, who would have won major award categories? Rest assured, TWO would definitely stay the same:
1. Actor in a Supporting Role – Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds (indisputably one of the best performances of the year)
2. Visual Effects –Avatar (despite better blockbusters in ’09, nothing beat the mind-boggling visuals of this sci-fantasy epic)
And now, for 10 MAJOR AWARD CHANGES Cinemagogue would have made:
1. Best Picture – Star Trek (sorry Hurt Locker, but the reboot of this film was light years ahead)
2. Actor in a Leading Role – Sharlto Copley, District 9 (this love him/hate him protagonist role had so many nuances, it was a wonder to behold Copley’s performance)
3. Actress in a Leading Role – Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds (the performances in this movie were fantastic and hers was no exception)
5. Art Direction –Avatar (the sheer weight of artistry and innovation put into the “world” of this film was staggering)
6. Cinematography – Star Trek (from lighting and camera choices to creative/incessant use of lens flare, this film used truly innovative techniques without Avatar’s budget)
7. Costume Design –Watchmen
(from alternate world, century-spanning clothing to vintage superhero chic, this was costume designer’s heaven. They just should have designed a little more costume for the blue guy).
8. Directing – Star Trek (yes, the starship Enterprise would have taken home 3 Oscars for its innovation – one for Kirk, Spock and McCoy in the hands of J.J. Abrams)
9. Writing (adapted screenplay) – Watchmen (Alan Moore’s work was FINALLY translated to the silver screen with panache)
10. Writing (original screenplay) –Moon (overlooked and snubbed, this film starring Sam Rockwell was one of the best of the year, with a truly innovative, claustrophobic story)
What do YOU think?
Anything get overlooked or snubbed?
How would YOU retool the Oscars?
And now, just for kicks, and because you ask, here’s Cinemagogue’sTOP 10 films of 2009:
As for The Hurt Locker, why didn’t it show up on any of my lists? Believe it or not I’m not all-seeing, so now I have to see it now in honor of Kathryn Bigelow’s historic win. It may soon alter this list. I’ll let you know.